crinkly_ears | Bromantic Chronicles: The Lukas Podolski Appreciation Post!

The Lukas Podolski Appreciation Post

(Nearly 80 pictures - so NOT dial-up friendly)

Right around this time last year, as the World Cup in South Africa was in full swing, Mannschaft observers noticed something odd. Everywhere Lukas Poldolski went, a certain someone was bound to follow!

Petting baby lions before dispatching "the three lions" 4-1 at Bloemfontain.

We noticed that Mesut Ozil couldn't always get as near to Lukas Podolski as he would like...

Damnit Mario - three's a crowd!

...But that was all right! Just being near him was enough to put a smile on Mesut's face!

Then came July 1, 2010. Newspapers all over the world reported the shocking, spine-tingling (in a bad way) news that Lukas Podolski (our clever forward) and Mesut Ozil (the find of 2010) would be missing a practice session before the match with Argentina!

Mannschaft fans and observers were rightly concerned! Was there a chance they would miss the match against Argentina? Were they seriously injured?

Never fear! According to German Team Manager Oliver "Golden Goal" Bierhoff, Podolski had some stiffness in his muscles and would definitely be playing. As for Mesut Ozil, he'd be skipping practice "to rest."

Needing a rest? Likely story! WHAT a coincidence!

And the conspiracy was on...

Here - as far as we can tell - is a history of this finest of tender bromantic friendships! It isn't quite as pic-heavy as some of them (it's only been a year, after all! And they've never shared clubs) but it is sweet as anything for all that!

Oliver "Golden Goal" Bierhoff - Podozil Relationship Expert.

In fact, so far as we know, it is a case of opposites attracting. Oliver Bierhoff visited a group of school children last year and was asked by the children what Mesut Ozil was really like. He responded that he was "very shy, and very reserved, but also really nice." And who was the biggest joker? "Lukas Podolski. He likes telling jokes and pullling pranks!"

Lukas himself is a highly lovable type. He has had a spectacular career - spectacularly bad for his clubs, spectacularly good for his country. Before the world cup he had scored 6 goals that season - pretty bad when you remember that he's a striker - but stick him in a White shirt and his goal-scoring record is better than one in two, a phenomenon not unknown in the German National team where players as storied as Miroslav Klose have struggled for playing time with their clubs but become killers for their country!

The Highly Lovable Lukas Podolski!

Of course, Lukas must have found it odd at first being followed around by the admiring bug-eyed new kid on the team. But doubtless, Mesut grew on him!

He decided Mesut wasn't so odd-looking really, not once you get used to him -

No really - he grows on you -

In fact, as time passed, we suspect Lukas found it difficult to remember a time when Mesut wasn't there sneaking hugs -

Especially after Lukas scores a goal - which makes Mesut so very happy -

Lukas himself is always happy to return the compliment -

And when someone else scores a goal - well, Mesut is just the right height to make a celebratory leap on -

And besides, ever since Schweini took up with Sarah, Lukas has needed someone to try out his jokes on -

And have sprinting competitions with during practice -

As time has passed, Lukas has found that he is especially fond of Mesut's ears -

He thinks they are Mesut's nicest feature -

So naturally he's always trying to nibble them when he thinks the 1000+ cameras along the pitch and the 80 000 fans aren't watching -

And he finds that Mesut is very receptive to all the sweet-nothings he whispers into them -

While we are on the subject of best features, Lukas must confess that he prefers Mesut's hair without hair-gel...

...But when Cristiano Ronaldo steals Mesut's supply, Lukas is willing to put his misgivings aside and help shop for more -

They practice dance moves -

And even carry matching hand-bags -

And Lukas has found that dealing with fans is much easier when Mesut is nearby -

As for goal-celebrations - Philip isn't the only one to notice that they only have eyes for each other -

It's been worrying Klose lately too -

In fact, Lukas's general possessiveness and unwillingness to share Mesut is hardly a secret at this point - even Sami Khedira has been having trouble getting a hold of Mesut for post-goal-congratulatory-cuddles -

They celebrate achievements together -

With identical gestures -

And hang out together in matching bibs -

And tell jokes during practice -

And play patty-cake together -

In fact, Lukas was flattered beyond anything when Mesut took to wearing matching shoe-laces...

...And copying his serious face during the National Anthem -

And on lazy afternoons they have whiled away the hours wondering how it could be that Joachim Loew's hair is always exactly the same length -

Life is far from perfect of course. Off in Madrid, Mesut hangs out with all sorts of disreputable characters (as far as Lukas is concerned!) -

Sergio Ramos is always trying to sweep Mesut off of his feet - literally! -

That hair-gel thief Cristiano Ronaldo ruffles his hair while Ricardo Carvalho kisses his left ear - his LEFT ear! - which is Lukas's favourite ear! The nerve! -

That Frenchman, Benzema has been looking awfully friendly too -

Lukas remembers reading something about Frenchmen being really great bromancers -

And that dastardly Argentine Angel di Maria is always using goal celebrations as an excuse for a cuddle -

...To say nothing of that other dastardly Argentine Gonzalo Higuain - who has long since discovered that Mesut's shoulder-weakness crosses all cultural barriers -

Lukas finds it all very unfair - especially when they start ruffling hair and offering up shoulders AT THE SAME TIME! How can Lukas possibly compete?

But don't even get Lukas started on Sami Khedira!

Sami Khedira - and Lukas thought they were friends! - is ALWAYS there -

Any excuse at all and there he is...shoulder at the ready -

Like, all the time -

No, seriously, ALL THE TIME -

Even the way Sami has been looking at Mesut's ears lately...well...let's just say it makes Lukas nervous!

To be quite honest, Lukas has long since stopped tuning in to watch Madrid's games because goal-celebrations are just too painful to watch!

In fact, Lukas is becoming convinced (what with all this Argentine fraternizing that has been going on) that Mesut may have forgotten the fact that they both ran their socks off to put the icing on the cake in the Mannschaft's total and utter destruction of the Argentine team. He's considered sending the footage anonymously to Madrid, not only as an insult, but as revenge for the post-match fracas in 2006 -

Plus, with Mesut in the Spanish league, they don't even get to meet up twice a year when Köln plays Bremen!

It distresses Lukas no end -

It brings a tear to his eyes -

And it definitely gets him down.

But, in fairness, he knows there have been moments he causes Mesut a lot of grief -

Especially last month - when Lukas' bid for Mesut's attention took a rather desperate turn -

Which Mesut found positively shocking -

"How could you let it go so far?"

But once they are near, the attraction is undeniable -

"I think Mario's dead." "Don't mind him, we still have each other. And we told him: 'three's a crowd!'"