Merry Mesut Spam: LINEUP!

[ladya-sama.livejournal.com]

Merry Christmas, everyone!! (And to those of us who don't celebrate it ... um ... Happy Tuesday!!)

Since we won't be getting a lot of new Mesut material for a couple of weeks, I went digging through my collection and thought I'd make a few spam posts to celebrate both the general feeling of goodwill and our dear boy's unique ... uniqueness.

First up: lineup!

Bit of an odd point to focus on, but I blame my mild OCD for this one. I hate seeing things ... unbalanced. As a kid it would drive me nuts when the teacher, while using the blackboard, would shoddily erase the older notes, leaving a few half-wiped words on the sides and in the corners. It would distract me for the rest of the lesson to the point that before leaving class I'd sneak to the board and do the job properly. I need things to be even or else they will gnaw at my mind and nerves the whole day. So you can imagine that pre-match lineups can be a bit like waving a red flag in front of a raging bull in my eyes.

When I think Germany national team I think discipline and uniformity, which is usually reflected in the team's prematch group shot. To wit, this is what comes to mind:





Both front and back row perfectly leveled. Yes, every now and then those lines would become a bit muddled ...




(Either kneel, or squat, or bend, guys! And what's with the gap between Klose--who looks an awful lot like Lamps here--and #19? Sloppy sloppy!)

But otherwise their group photos reflected a united team on the same wave length.

The new(er) generation of German players and they proved that they could continue the proud tradition of perfect lines ...



Then along came Mesut and pre-match pics took a turn for the wtf. In the beginning he fell in line perfectly with the others ...


(Well, yeah, not perfectly due to their varying heights, but I let that slide.)

But then someone came up with the brilliant idea of putting Mesut in the front row. I guess, due to his position on the field and his height (only on the German team can you stand six foot tall and still be considered one of the "shorter" players), it made sense, and for a while all was well enough ...






Kinda standing a bit too tall in that last pic, Bambi. Crouch down!

It was subtle at first, but over time, since no one's apparently confronted him on the matter, Mesut got lazier and lazier during group shots ...






You're practically standing as tall as Sami, Mes. Meanwhile, I think Sami's glaring at Kroos because the backline's pretty crowded while the front four a stretching to compensate. Only room for tall people back there, Toni!


*sighs* ... Well, at least it's an even ascending order from right to left ...


GAH!! CROUCH. DOWN. MESUT!! And hurry up with that arm, Jerome!


Okay, now you're just mocking me! >:(

This is ridiculous. Clearly, Mesut can't be trusted alone on the end there. I like to think that the others noticed this too and so Schweini took it upon himself to try and instill some conformity ...


Not quite ...


Shit. Now he's got SCHWEINI standing up.

Why don't we just try switching sides ...


God, even with Schweini caging him in from the left he won't bow down!


Thomas is almost wrenching his arm off to reach Mesut's shoulders! Why not just stand in the back next to Miro, anyway? The front row's looking pretty cluttered, especially on the right there. And pelvic BACK, Howedes, get with the program!

Nevermind. Poldi, you try!


Almost got it ...


AAARRRGGGHHH!!! Now he's got Poldi doing it without even touching him!!

Btw, Thomas is the ONLY front row player who does the stance properly each and every time, though he may be doing a bit too enthusiastically, judging by Per's cautious glance. Mario would have known what to do ~_^



And just when you thought Mesut was being a terrible distraction at the end of the line, look who just breaks it up right in the middle!



REUS! Don't act like you can't bend those knees! You can do it just fine when engaging in bizarre surfing celebration!



Always eager to decry multiculturalism, some racist douches (who claim themselves to be merely "conservatives/traditionalists") tried to blame Germany's loss to Italy on the fact that almost half the team didn't sing the national anthem at the start of the match. Never mind the fact that this particular group of players (Özil, Khedira, Boateng, Podolski; basically those of foreign and/or mixed descent) never sing the anthem--and yet, SHOCKING, losing does not occur regularly--but I think it is obvious the REAL reason behind Germany's defeat.

This was Italy's Euro 2012 semi finals group shot ...


Purrrrrrrfect! (Plus Buffon and Pirlo look like brothers and got me thinking kinky incest threesome) <- Sorry. That there's the rum cake speaking.

And this was Germany's ...


Did a sinkhole open up seconds earlier and swallow a player? Is that why there's a massive gap between Neuer and Mats? Is that why Badsbieber looks like he was quickly shoved onto the field to get in the shot, leaving him standing awkwardly on the left there? Did you hurt your knee, Marco? If not, then why are you gripping it instead of Schweini's shoulder? WHO GIVES UP A CHANCE TO GRIP SCHWEINI'S SHOULDER?? And if Schweini was as intent on the match as he was on trying to get Mesut to duck already it would have been an easy win!

I mean, the German ladies have got you guys beat on this one!


PERFECT!! You go, girls!! Guys, if you think it a bit too "gay" to bend over with a team mate standing behind you, just kneel. Both classy AND proud!

Things aren't much better over at Real Madrid, but in Mesut's defense their frontline's a lot more varying than Germany's ...




It takes a brave man to almost block Cris' face in a photo.


Speaking of blocking faces ... Varane, you're eclipsing San Iker! I can't even make out his halo! That's just rude. In fact ... WHY are you all standing??


Well, well, well. Look who's still working on those brownie points ...


Personally, I don't think Pipita's crouching. He's just using the excuse to cop a feel.


Too many thighs and hands to keep track of O_o


Wait, what?? Cris, what you doing in Mesut's spot? Was Mesut benched?? ... Heeeeeyyyyyy, Mes, what you doing all the way in the back? Well, at least Benz looks happy about it.

And that concludes this bizarre post. Up next (either later this evening or tomorrow): Bromance Spam! What's that? We have enough Mesut bromances posts? Yeah, sure, we're swimming in Samisut, Serzil and Benzil, but we ought to give more love to Mesut's fellow Germans. There are a few die Mannschaft-based Özil bromances I feel are woefully underrepresented.